Give sorrow words.

 “I just feel like all the sand is at the bottom of the hour glass or something.”  ― Adam

 

“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”  ― William Shakespeare, Macbeth

“Now something so sad has hold of us that the breath leaves and we can't even cry.” ― Charles Bukowski

“And then it was, that grief and pain made themselves known to me as never before. Note this, because I knew the full absurdity of Fate and Fortune. And perhaps the description of this, brief as it is, may give consolation to another. The worst takes its time to come, and then to pass. The truth is, you cannot prepare anyone for this, nor convey an understanding of it through language. It must be known. And this I would wish on no one in the world.” ― Anne Rice, Pandora

    The words and images above are just an expression of what I'm feeling these days. I could have used my own words, what I've been writing, but some of the lines are too personal and in order to share or publish something I need to feel a little detached from it. Something that the passing of time provides. But I feel that sharing these emotions with the help of images and words is liberating and keeps my mind busy. I think it also comes from my love for cinema and literature, 'cause re-watching films about loss and grief, or reading about it, makes me feel that someone else understands what I'm going through right now. Feel united to those characters, to those writers, other people that has lost someone or are enduring with a relative's severe disease, also helps. Besides I've discovered, thanks to a friend, this amazing blog: 'Ekphora: The Grief Project'. And all this made me think that someone else has been there before and that this too shall pass. Positive thinking is the only way to cope with all this bad fate or fortune I'm having, as good old Shakespeare would put it.

― Still Life, The Horrors

Ph.: Marine Vacth by Paolo Roversi for Vogue Italia (Jan. 2014), The Tree of Life, 2011; Jane Eyre, 2011; Virginia Woolf in Venice, Lupe Jelena, Only Lovers Left Alive, 2013; last-half-moon, Cría cuervos..., 1975; adessive, Misma Andrews, Skammen, 1968; Persona, 1966; À coeur joie, 1967; To the Wonder, 2012; Zerkalo, 1975, Trois couleurs: Bleu, 1993.

A frustrated melancholy floating on the wind

“The air blows soft as the swirl of a painter’s brush outside and the dry leaves sink in a slow nocturne. There is a frustrated melancholy floating on the wind in stagnant spirals and it feels like the nights in This Side of Paradise. Effulgent voluptuous rain smothers the tree tops and the darkness shoves along the street in scandalized puffs.” 

— Zelda Fitzgerald to F. Scott Fitzgerald, on a November day from 1931. 

I can feel the frustrated melancholy that Zelda Fitzgerald talked about during this time of the year. We’ve left the sunny mellow afternoons behind and we're having plenty of gray rainy days. The air blows with an aching sadness at dawn. It feels like winter is already here. You can feel the cold on your bones. During days like these I just feel like sitting in the bathtub — as Sylvia Plath said: "There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure." —, or in front of the window looking at the sunset like Charlotte did on Lost In Translation.  Also, when it comes to my professional future I start to feel like the Scarlett Johansson's character. I think this is not the first time I talk you about how much I love that film, basically 'cause I felt totally represented on Charlotte. Her personal situation reminds me of some things I went through. The same happens with the 5th season of Mad Men. I've been watching it lately and there is a darkness on the tempestuous relationship of the main characters that I also have felt on the past. Something that Terrence Malick's To the wonder shows too, that's why I have included some pics from it on this post.

 And of course, there are some photographs from Paris in here too 'cause rainy days remind me of Paris. I daydream about having a walk through the Quartier Latin and Saint-Germain-des-Près. Plus November is the anniversary of Albert Camus' birth and I’ve been reading his essay ‘The Myth of Sisyphus’, which I’ve always had wanted to read but never had find the right time to do it before. 

Hope your Autumn is going well! 

Ph.: Nicholas McLean, rebeccaplotnick, twobirdsonabranch, Marine Vacth, possumsednolo, The Dreamers (2003), cuerposiameses, David Lynch by Alasdair McLellan, theotherway, Luiza Potiens, softskinfanzine, To the Wonder (2012), Ana Kraš, anothereternalsummer, Mad Men, Léa Seydoux, avec-des-sentiments, Lost in Translation (2003), styleallureattitude

October days are always remembered

"I remember it as October days are always remembered, cloudless, maple-flavored, the air gold and so clean it quivers."

—  Leif Enger

October is almost gone and it has been one of the hottest beginnings of Autumn that I can recall. When I look back at the past weeks it feels like I've been walking through the grounds of a Terrence Malick film: I see sunny days strolling in the fields near my house all covered by crimson and ochre grasses. 

The air was colder in the morning and you could feel too warm and cozy under the blankets. I've made my first ever attempt at making plum and apricot's jam with fruits from my aunt's garden, and they are quite delicious. I also have started taking piano lessons, again. My aunt gave me a piano for my birthday when I was eight or nine, but I dropped out during the second year of lessons. Long time without playing, but it's better late than never. The same goes with painting. When I was a child and during my teenagehood I used to paint a lot, but one day I stopped. Now I've decided to do some watercolors and my biggest inspiration right now is Egon Schiele, I'm loving his drawings and watercolors. These are two ways to relieve the stress from university, like reading. If I wouldn't had to study, I could have spent the whole afternoon sitting on my garden eating grapes and reading Patti Smith's Just Kids and James Joyce's Ulysses (yeah, I'm still reading it. It's a long long book, but I'm enjoying it a lot). And I have been listening to sweet songs from Billie Holiday, Etta James, Jeff Buckley, Devendra Banhart, Lou Reed (RIP), The Smiths, Warpaint and Beach House. I've also been kind of addicted to François Ozon's Jeune et Jolie soundtrack. I haven't seen the film yet, but the score by Philippe Rombi is delightful and it's the perfect companion for the gloomy autumn evenings.

Hope your beginning of Autumn is going well. 

Ph.: Majaln, adieu-tristesse, Elizabeth Olsen, softredinteriors, Devendra Banhart & Ana Kras by Mads Teglers, Egon Schiele, theotherway, Marine Vacth, Dabito, Annie Hall (1977), visualarchives, styleallureattitude, twobirdsonabranch, Badlands (1973)